it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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