one might say we're banned from that church
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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