also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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