I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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