This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
