The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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