I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
