i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
