Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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