so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
