I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize