You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
