watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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