we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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