your thong is hanging out like whoa
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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