I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize