'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
