Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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