You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
