Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's shark week go big or go home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
