I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
