youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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