The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
