Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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