i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
