Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
