i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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