I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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