From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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