I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
