Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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