I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
not ubering you a puppy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
