Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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