I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
