In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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