I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
