Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
