Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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