Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
