totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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