between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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