She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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