i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
