A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
