i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
