i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
