You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
