At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
