you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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