u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
