Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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