M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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