It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
