i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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