we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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