Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
