That's when you crack a 10am beer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
