dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
