maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
