At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I would fuck him just for his dog
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
