how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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