I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
