pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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